List of deaths by cello

-Dan Gualtieri

There have been few deaths by cello. There have (likely) been no murders by cello. However:

Enraged beyond all bounds of reason, he picked up his instrument and hurled it javelin-style at the conductor across the stage. For a moment (a beat, a rest, the span of a single sharply inhaled breath), the shapely, carefully designed and crafted body seemed to hover motionless, as if waiting for some prodigy to pluck it pizzicato-style out of the air and make the world lovely with it once again, but the moment quickly passed, and the cello hurtled through the sudden hush of the concert hall, narrowly missed a wayward violist, and struck the maestro squarely in the face, with sufficient force to embed the end pin firmly into the man’s skull in a final, passionate burst of hollow punctuation.