Emily’s Famous Nacho Recipe

The secret is pepper jack.
The secret is cilantro lime sour cream.
The secret is to never admit
defeat.

When stalking the nachos,
carry a net made of nylon
or some other sturdy material
(organic or artificial),
as weaker filaments
may be insufficient
for successful containment,
particularly in encounters
involving jalapeño.

Similarly, Kevlar is advised
as a protective measure
against potential aggression,
which is rare but not unheard of.
Such aggression will likely
fall into two divergent categories:
rapidly propelled bean assault,
against which minimal armor
serves as effective protection,
and tortilla chip shuriken attacks,
which, in especially sharp instances,
may slice easily and dangerously
through even Class IIIa-designated material.

Avoid microwaves, as these may soften the chips. Place instead on center rack of oven, and broil until cheese is golden brown but not black.